Cover Your Bases 18

12/26/2020 Staying centered-- And New Year’s Resolutions

Photo by Felix Wong, Echo Pass, CA, 2001 (used with creative commons licensing)

This week: A reflection on something personal and reflective. Like hanging on to mental health while the pandemic is raging.    In Los Angeles, where my son and his wife live, 1 person in 80 has or has had the virus and there are currently 0 ICU beds.  In Monterey County, where I was supposed to go to see a family member in our pod this week, there’s a severe outbreak, with a 10.7% positive rate for testing, and 131 cases per 100,000 people. In Alameda County, where I live, the data shows we have 58 cases per 100,000 people and a 5.4% positive test rate.  When we talk about California being in the middle of a raging pandemic surge, this is what it means.

Am I scared? Yes.  Angry?  Check.  Feeling less stable than I did a year ago? 100%.

When the pandemic started, I was too afraid every night to easily fall asleep. Turned on my stomach, I listened to every gurgle of my breath, every snore, and worried.  Eventually, I relaxed, realizing that economic privilege and general good health protected me from the highest risks.  Now, I sleep relatively well, though for shorter periods than I would like.

But those first few hours after waking have become a stress bucket. The news makes me crazy, and depressed. Once I turn my attention to the very comforting demands of my job, I feel 100% better than I do while doomscrolling with coffee at 8 am. I am all too aware that my emotions cycle now in ways they rarely did before we got deeper into month 11 of the pandemic.

And being fucking sick of it all doesn’t help, either.  The biggest comfort is just to name it: holding onto my mental health takes more effort on my part now than it did before.

Things that help me stay stable(r):

• Being outside, walking, and hiking in nature

• Reading, not news

• Talking with friends and family on the phone

• Healthy eating and sparse drinking, no smoking

We’re all on the rollercoaster together, and it’s just the middle of the ride.

Making: New Year's Resolutions 2021: First, I stopped making them.  Then, I started again, to have one or two I could achieve.  For two years, my goal was to re-learn how to sleep 7-8 hours a night (vs. 5 or 6 hours), then it was to be a better friend (not as successful at that one).  For 2021, I have five resolutions I’m considering, and will probably narrow these down to one or two to focus on.  The list is:

• Write more consistently: Publish this newsletter weekly, maybe even twice a week. Writing is a muscle I need to work and Cover Your Bases is a great way to do that.

• Move more, especially cardio/aerobic: Yes, Pilates but add more walking, hiking, and kayaking (after all, I live in California, where amazing parks are as close as just 11 minutes away). Get back to burpees, squats, mountain-climbers, and weights, maybe with virtual coaching or mutual accountability, since I’m not going to the gym anytime soon.

• Manage my weight: My weight management program ended in November 2019. I lost 38 pounds that I feel much healthier not carrying around. There were another 20-25 pounds I could have worked to lose, and I haven’t.  On the other hand, during this whole, difficult pandemic, and this holiday season, I have regained only 4 pounds of the total weight I lost, a triumph of more mindful eating, smarter portions, and honesty about what I put in my mouth.

• Build accountability for ways to check my privilege and be an ally, or get out of the way: Working on these painful realities because systemic racism is in so much of my world.

• Love harder: Life is precious and bad stuff can happen, so I want to treasure the people I love and enjoy them more, especially my big-ass grown children.

• Be a good manager and coach:  I love my job and work with truly terrific people; how can I support them so they accomplish more, and grow in their roles?

Quick takes Reading, watching, learning, doing

History: Another look at The Donner Party: Like many Bay area people, in December I listened to the terrific 2-part podcast by Carly Severn for KQED public radio about The Donner Party and their cannibalism. Part one goes into what happened to the 81 people stranded in the snow in the Sierras in 1846. Part 2 details the casual racism that allowed the man who murdered two Miwok guides and ate them to go unpunished--and lauded as a hero. Great reporting, great storytelling.

The podcast sent me to do more (revisionist) reading about California history, starting with Michael Wallis’ book, The Best Land Under Heaven, The Donner Party in the Age of Manifest Destiny.  This 2017 account is a good read, even if it lacks some of the anti-colonialism of Severn’s reporting. 

I’ve also downloaded and am starting to read State of Resistance, What California’s Dizzying Descent and Remarkable Resurgence Mean for America’s Future, by one of my heroes, Manuel Pastor. Pastor’s work has taught me so much about economic analysis, ethics, and policy; I can’t wait to dig into this one. 

Shuggie Bain, by Douglas Stuart.  I was lucky enough to get this from the library (digital copy) and it is a GREAT read, a beautifully written and vivid coming of age story.  Reading it on the heels of Later by Paul Lisicky and the magnificent The Light Years by Chris Rush added some poignancy since they all orbit around coming of age stories of queer men. Shuggie Bain is an amazing debut novel, and I recommend it. 

Newsletters(and Substack): I’m enjoying the resurgence of newsletters, and am now getting so many I can’t keep up. These keep my attention week after week:

• This Needs Hot Sauce, by Abigail Koffler 

• From the desk of Alicia Kennedy 

• Culture Study by Anne Helen Peterson

I’ve also got newer reads to check out:

• The Future of Belonging, by Vanessa Mason

• Snarky Senior, by Erica Manfred

• This Week-ish, by my dear friend Elisa Camahort Page

• Living the Dream, by Francine Hardaway

And I am excited to go to the January 8th Substack writers’ conference; I like the way this organization is working to support the community.

PARTING BITS   You made it this far: Here is one more thing, an amazing movie I loved that you may not have seen: This Beautiful Fantastic (2017), written and directed by Simon Aboud, with Tom Middleton and Jessica Brown Findlay. This film about a neurotypical young woman who creates a magical garden and finds love and family in the process grabbed my attention in the biggest way. Who doesn’t welcome the chance to find freedom in constraint in a lockdown, as our heroine does when she has to restore a neglected garden or be evicted from her lodgings?  I loved, loved, loved so many things about this movie, so check it out for some sweet, quirky joy.

Thanks for reading #18.  #19 hits next Sunday.  Subscribe if you like it.  And tell your friends.  And let me know what you are up to and what is keeping you going. I’d love to get some recommendations, ideas, and tips. 

Warmly, Susan